Relationships are references and symbols of experiences.  But they are not the experiences themselves. They are the outer reflection of something that is real and with substance — the actuality of relating.

Relationships demand thoughtfulness, affection, devotion, and service. These factors are so profound that they are more important than actually knowing someone.  In the presence of these factors people connect and become related even though they have not known each other for very long.

There is a saying that is appropriate here that goes, “People don’t care how much you know till they know how much you care”.

As social beings and as leaders, we may distinguish three aspects of relating:

  • Understanding people
  • Loving people
  • Helping people

Understanding is:

Having the relater’s mind (or leader’s mind).

The first aspect of a relating is to understand how people think. People like to feel special. So compliment them. Treat them as individuals. Actually SEE them.

Loving is:

Having the relater’s heart (or leader’s heart).

Relaters and Leaders have empathy. Find the best in people. Access and show your affection for people, and demonstrate your devotion and loyalty to them.

Helping is:

Having the relater’s hand (or leader’s hand).

Relaters and Leaders focus on what they want to give and put into people rather than what they want to get out of them. Relaters and leaders get the focus off themselves, and focus out in terms of how they can best serve others. As Albert Einstein so aptly puts it, “Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to divine a purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know that man is here for the sake of other men (or women).”

Thus, endeavor to be a great relater rather than getting a relationship, and you will generate and experience more joy for yourself and the other. Its truly more fulfilling!

~ Dr. Ray Blanchard with Bennett Minton

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